Bane is one of my favourite comic book and movie villains of all time. It was hard to follow the brilliance of the Joker in “The Dark Knight”, but for some reason I always found that there was always something to be said for the ferocity that Bane showed.

 

Ferocity, I love that word…sufficed to say that’s not how I would’ve described who I used to be at all. A skinny, awkward Indian boy’s dream was to approach everything like Bane did, and was also  one that seemed far out of reach… even to this day it’s hard to sit here and pretend that I’m all that, especially when so many of you think at how villainous being like that can make someone become.

My main focus when I graduated high school was to make sure that no one would ever screw with me ever again. My solution to make this happen was to get big. Very big.

 

I worked hard to make myself be as intimidating as possible, I started to take more and more risks and shrug off anything and everything in an effort to be tough. I think that’s why I suffered so much, I just didn’t care how things affected me and rather than slowly going away, it stacked up and the weight of it all started to chip me away bit by bit.

 

Still, I maintained a tough mindset and decided to fix whatever was killing me, and surely, just like I did before, I promised myself that that was the last time I would ever be walked over, not just by other people, but everything else… depression, anxiety and the expectations that everyone else held me to.

 

I failed. Again.

I don’t know why, I don’t know how it happened, but I found myself one night underneath a cold shower trying to figure out why I felt so shit about myself. I loved who I had become, a big, brown, loveable beefcake. I was much tougher, much more motivated and no longer a whiny bitch for so long.

And then as quick as lightning, without a second to really be happy, I was back to being weak again. I didn’t know what it was and I still don’t know.

 

I found comfort in friends and family, but I realised that despite everything, I has dulled down, worn out and once again afraid. I secluded myself as a way to cope and to this day the exhaustion of trying to fight everything at once took over.

 

 

 

I figured it out. I was being a bitch. This whole time. I was letting other people get the better of me again. It constantly amazes me the power they can have to make you feel smaller than you actually are.

 

 

 

You see, some people don’t actually care…at all. We are selfish…from the moment we are born, we cry. We don’t know what else to do. And in most mammals our dependency on our mothers and fathers are how we survive. That doesn’t change at all. We grow and move on, and yes our dependency on our parents move on, but not to sole independence, but instead, onto someone or something else. It’s a fact. We feed off relationships with other people and that’s how we actually grow. As confronting as that is, it’s the truth. And yes we can grow by being alone, but truly…how much more do we grow when we have others around us. Whether it be for better or for worse, we are all selfish in that aspect.

But that shouldn’t bring you down.

 

I loved thinking I was as tough as Bane. I probably wasn’t, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t be. To be that way, you can’t just be physically strong; it’s about digging deep and standing your ground. It’s about matching your mindset with your presence. People should know who you are when you walk into a room, not by name, but by your aura.

 

It was funny, because despite my obsession with Bane, it was the lesson that Batman learnt that I recognised. And my mate Dominic Asuncion would always remind me of it.

In school I would always complain about how bad I did in an exam, or how I would fail at everything. He chose to always look me dead in the eye, and whether he was joking or not, recite the same thing that Alfred would say to Bruce Wayne whenever he screwed up.

 

“Why do we fall Nickin? …So we can learn to pick ourselves back up”.

 

Dom never gave up on me, so why should I give up on myself. And even though the dark sometimes kills the light, a lot of growing and a lot of strength can be found in the worst of times.

 

When you look back on everything you’ve done, you’re bound to be filled with regret. Something, somewhere in your life got tangled up in a stream of thoughts and lead you on a path that you’d soon realise was the wrong one. Of course its part of the human experience as a day to day thing, but more importantly above all else its a life thing.

 

I remember my Year 7 teacher lecturing me about not wanting to go shopping with my mum. She knew and understood that as a teenager the last thing that you’d want to do is walk around a Westfield with your mother, while you sit and wait for her to buy a ton of clothes, perfume and jewellery. Sufficed to say, I would’ve spent my time doing even more useless shit but despite that my teacher’s response to the mundane concerns of a boy was a story that rocked my current understanding of the decisions we make in life.

 

When she was a teenager, she loved to read, she studied hard and was very organised in everything she did. Her meticulous nature was emulated in her teaching style and its something that I remember her for, to this day.

One night she lost a book that the class was assigned to read for English, when she couldn’t find it after searching all day she finally gave up and went to bed, frustrated that the next day she was going to be scolded by her teacher and labelled as being irresponsible.

She had forgot to turn off the light to her bedroom and because of that, when her father walked in to say goodnight, he politely told her to remember to do so. Of course, being frustrated and now annoyed, she shot back and silenced him, forcing him out of the room, not giving him a hug or saying goodnight in response, which was emphatic as it was something her family did every night for as long as she could remember.

She went to school the next morning, prepared for a bad day ahead. But what she got instead, was one of the worst days of her life.

 

Whilst her dad was working out in the field the following morning, while she was preparing to get an earful from her teacher, he had a heart attack and tragically passed away shortly after. My teacher never got to say bye, nor would she ever have the chance to hug or say goodnight to her father ever again.

 

 

Now apart from being one of the saddest things a 13 year old can hear, it was also the most valuable lesson any person at any age can learn.

 

I’ve said it in a couple of posts before and ill say it again. There is nothing more fleeting in this world than time. We just don’t have enough of it. And regardless of what we may think it will all go passed so quickly that before you know it your world will be nothing but a bunch of memories.

 

The important thing though, is to understand that regret is the product of a lack of time. We make decisions either through a long stream of thought or as a short decision. In any case, in every path we take, there will always be a time where we regret a decision we might have been so confident in making.

 

 

I regret a lot of things. I’m sure you would too, and that sucks. But this post isn’t designed to tell you how you should avoid ever feeling regretful about anything, its not even to share with you a sad story about a girl who never got to say goodnight to her dad again.

 

Its about reminding us that no matter how hard we try, there will always be a time when we make the wrong decision, where we forget that there might be something better along another path. You will always have those moments, when the world allows you to make a decision and it ends up being the wrong one. Live with it. Grow from it. Its apart of who we all are. The universe gives us a reason every day to get up and do what we have to do. We should cherish each moment and no matter what, we should always remember that time goes by so fast, whether you want it to or not.

 

Remember all these things because one day you might regret it.

 

 

And for Christ’s Sake, if there is anything to learn from my teachers story is that no matter how pissed off you are, hug your mum and dad, and tell them how much you love them, at every chance you get.

I used to play a lot of different sports. Seven years in soccer and then I tried my hand at stuff like cricket and rugby. I always loved being competitive, it was instilled into me from day one. Co…

Source: Play Hard

I used to play a lot of different sports. Seven years in soccer and then I tried my hand at stuff like cricket and rugby. I always loved being competitive, it was instilled into me from day one. Compete or watch. If you didn’t want to take part, then watch those that did. I remember watching other games of older kids playing soccer, and in particular, I would notice guys that were slower and much less skilled. And to most it was either sad or frustrating as they lacked the talent and the drive to keep up with the more advanced players. Despite all of that, I began to actually admire them. Getting in the game is half the problem, participating is the other half.

I played in a soccer competition on Saturday. It was probably the most gruelling competition I’ve ever participated in, and not because I hadn’t played in a while, it was the players itself that made it that much more of a dog fight.

The individual’s ranged from big guys to small guys, guys with muscles and guys with real big guts, and in every instance, guys who played clean and guys who played dirty. There was a lot of push and shove, a lot of grabbing and a lot of in your face attitude. Most of the time it was just intimidation, guys who got off on making people feel scared on the field, even though half of these guys were skinny and would break if anyone who had any physical prowess even flicked them.

See most people either walked away or just stood there and took it. They faltered in that situation or, surprisingly, ignored it and  were un-phased. I thrive on it. Whenever I hear the words, “play hard”, all I can think about is how “hard” these particular people think they are. You see i realised that its not until someone better comes along and shows them up does everyone understand that most of these guys are all talk and fail when they realise that they can be beaten.

Calming yourself and allowing the mentality to remain competitive through many of these obstacles are really what separate good workers and faulted workers. We choose what we can do in any situation and the same goes for our focus. I wasn’t afraid to call out hecklers and dirty players, because I am not intimidated at all. What are they going to do? Start a fight at a soccer competition because they don’t get their way? Only children do that. They react and cry and have a tantrum because they genuinely don’t know what else to do. In these situations it’s the same. When these people are matched up and beaten they get frustrated and lash out because they don’t know how to take it on the chin and move forward.

This is where I think that hard work and emulating the same intensity you have in your training into your performance is a real test of character. Never be afraid, not to anyone, especially when you’re doing nothing wrong. Be strong in what you have and show it, even if they do beat you, have they really won the war? They’ll continue to act the way they act and eventually they’ll come across someone bigger, faster and stronger or someone with enough resources that proper wrecks them. Play fair, play well …but play hard, that’s something I try to embody every time I walk out onto a field, or in any other aspect of my life. To be competitive, to play hard, means you’re in the game, you’re competing and you’re not just watching and while you may lose every once and while you are still in that race, and you still have a chance to  win.

New York has had its fair share of devastation. From hurricane Sandy to probably one of the most devastating and frightening events that was the 9/11 attacks.

And this isn’t just limited to the USA, it seems like the world has had its fair share of terror, not only from terrorists but all kinds of villainous people. It was no different for New York or New Jersey on the 17^th. With three bombs going off in different locations , and more found throughout the city, one would think that people would be in a state of shock, panic and fear. This was mainly due to the fact that everywhere else in the world, the fear of dying by bomb attacks in an era where terrorist attacks are becoming more frequent, is at an all time high. I paid attention but in a sudden realisation I saw how little this situation surprised me and many more people who it talk to. That sense of fear that we all have is mostly because of the random nature of these attacks and not so much because of could be considered its “shock value”.

 

This worried me but at the same time made me extremely proud to be apart of the human race. The first reason was because in this day and age, where life can seem so fleeting at times, the shock of ONE bomb going off in a very prominent and busy city should be the main point of fear and discussion for people worldwide, let alone three. But for some reason this wasn’t the case. Yes people were afraid and concerned but in comparison to different attacks the affect wasn’t quite the same. This is extremely sad for a number of reasons but the main being is that this world is so used to terror and devastation that we have almost become numb to it. We feel bad and arouse concern but in reality the events are now becoming so common that without any direct affect to what has happened, one feels disconnected for the most part.

 

The reason I felt proud was attributed to me really looking past the face of what was happening . I watched Casey Neistat vlog the experience of being on the ground in New York City two days after the attack and what he had shown was much more interesting than any news report or article I read or watched. September the 19^th in New York City was a quiet day. There was no panic and there was no real commotion. People knew what happened and knew what to do. Viral videos surfaced of Starbucks employees giving out food and drink to police as they stood in patrol. People were still on the go trying to get to work and or live their lives. Collectively it was what the people were saying that struck me as to how amazing we as a race have grown into being to combat situations like this. That one thing was resiliency. They refused to let it affect them to the extent that their days, and their daily lives were completely ruined. They acknowledged it and showed that New York was, is and from what I heard, always will be, united against terror and devastation.

 

You see the world isn’t split into good and bad, I’ve mentioned it before and i’ll say it again. There will always be people in between. But when those truly evil people, the people who do bad things to inflict nothing but damage and let the world burn, decide to do just that, we tend to lose faith and remain fearful. But the past couple of weeks, we haven’t really done that. The real world has changed, I don’t know if its good or bad. But if it is because we choose to be more resilient, to not let this bring us down, then that makes me feel ok. We lose a lot in a lifetime and the worst thing to lose is faith in not only ourselves but also society. That faith keeps us strong and it keeps us resilient. We choose to stay that way because life has ups and downs, and those downs can really destroy a person, but by staying strong we still have a fighting chance.

One of the many reasons why I love being a little older and a little wiser is that you truly start to appreciate the little things. No matter how cheesy that may sound, the realisation that the little thing that is time and that it is fleeting is probably one of the most valuable gifts that life can give you. We are restricted by it. Its what joins every person on this planet. It’s the one thing that no one can escape or make more off, it can’t be bought or sold nor can it be destroyed. It’s just there, and there only for you to take full advantage of, or waste completely.

 

Last night I celebrated my 21^st birthday with my close friends and family. I looked around a small hall and could finally feel a sense of accomplishment. With all the speeches that were said, the two main points that really hit home was that these people, the people that really mattered, loved, cared and were proud of me, and they knew without a doubt in their mind that I was more than capable of achieving great things. I finally got up and said my piece, a speech that was filled with nothing more than gratitude to all that were present and everyone else that couldn’t be because, not matter how tired I was, I could not rest until I was able to say thank you to everyone in that room.

You see, I had big plans for myself; in fact I still kind of do. I want to do so much and really become successful…but with every second, every minute and every day that passes by, you realise how little time you actually have. Everything moves so quickly that we forget what got us to the point we are at.

 

I learnt very quickly the meaning of purpose. Its not just self-motivation and drive; it’s a lot more than that. I understand in this world there are people who have no one, and they either sink or float. But for me, I was blessed with loving friends and family, all of whom give me something to wake up to every day. And with what little time we have, seeing them all in one place, is a gift that time seldom hands us.

 

Being able to express my gratitude in words is one thing, but realising that you can do more through actions is another. These people don’t expect or bet on me to do great things, they want me to do it. It makes them happy. Not because of an investment they may have made in me, but because they want you to fly high and live life the way that you’ve always wanted to.

Family and friends, love and purpose are all key components that everyone wants. It’s a blessing to get them all at once and in some cases the driving factor in achieving what you want to achieve.

 

My purpose is to continue to make those people proud, because without them I probably would not have made it to 21. There was a time where I doubted that id be able to do anything, my lust for escaping where I was and going away to travel and see what else was there seemed to be the best way for me to become what I wanted. I decided to put it off, I decided to chase that dream later, because I could not do so without saying thank you to all of those people, and the people elsewhere who gave me purpose.

 

So now the hard part begins, and without a doubt, is something to look forward to.

I watched the CM Punk and Micky Gall fight today. For those of you who don’t know, CM Punk is a former WWE superstar who made the change to the UFC after leaving the company based on how he was tre…

Source: Our Fight

I watched the CM Punk and Micky Gall fight today. For those of you who don’t know, CM Punk is a former WWE superstar who made the change to the UFC after leaving the company based on how he was treated. In a short summary, his experience with wrestling was somewhat bleak and damaging. The life of a wrestler seems to be hard and much more larger than life then most other athletes, but stepping into the octagon is another level. Putting your body on the line with actual real life gladiators with every intention to take your head off is somehow an intense and very dangerous experience in itself, but add the crowd, the build up and the mountains of pressure one faces in the lead up to and in those five rounds, the whole experience becomes hard to fathom. You would ask…”why would someone choose that type of life?”, it seems kind of barbaric and to some quite obscene when most people realise that the end product is usually a bloody face for, what seems like most the time, both fighters. That question will always be different to each fighter and it didn’t matter anyway because Punk chose this life regardless. Now ageing and not the young man he once was, he chose to train and fight for real in UFC 203, the very top of the MMA game…and he lost, in the first round after 3 minutes.

 

Bloodied and busted up, he sang heavy praise to his fans and to his opponent before delivering an inspirational speech after his fight. With it all said and done, the in ring debut of CM Punk was finished and we were left with just the dream that maybe one day, someone like CM Punk could walk into the colosseum and win a fight with a gladiator, without any experience.

 

For me the post fight press conference was the one that made the hair on the back of my neck stand, that and Punk’s entrance music, a classic throwback to his time in the WWE. Amidst everything, he was disappointed in the loss, and what was more heart wrenching is that you could actually see it in his face. You see, we all knew the odds were more than just against him. We all knew he was going to lose. He may have not of thought that way, but the reality is that despite everything, the guy is a novice, he wasn’t as experienced and he just couldn’t match up against a much younger, experienced fighter. But throughout everything you couldn’t help but admire his tenacity and his raw tough attitude, the kind of character and personality that really does make him earn the respect of the audience and the fans. Despite losing, despite getting a massive beat down, he still wanted to do what he had set out to do because it had become his fight, his battle, a battle that he had shared with his coaching staff and fans and most of all his wife and family.

 

You see, everyone has their fight, in all aspects of life. We struggle and fall but the only way we get through it is by getting back up. It’s the main theme of my blog in general, one that resonates with my life and with many others. But some people live for that shit. They just want to keep on going, to keep on fighting because without it they feel useless, they feel like they’re losing and that’s just not enough. The battle we have with not only our exterior problems but with our inner demons are ones that consist of a constant messy struggle and brief moments of clarity. We realise that without our own fights, we become hollow versions of ourselves that stagnate and refuse to grow.

 

CM Punk may never be a UFC champion; he may never even win or fight in the UFC again. But watching the emotion and realness of how a fighter, both physical and emotionally so, can keep on pushing and take it on the chin is a testimony to the impossible. Because despite all the blood and bruises, he still had the balls to do what he wanted, he pushed through and he fought his fight.

 

 

I think when a person turn’s 21, the automatic assumption is that you have to go real hard real fast without holding back at all. Just party. I mean, not just 21^st’s but every birthday for most people my age, is like that, it almost seems like it’s the one day of the year that their problems just don’t matter. I kind of wish I was like that.

I turned 21 on Saturday. For the rest of my life I will be considered an adult. It sucks because I never really thought I could enjoy myself as a kid, I was always worried about what was in store. That’s pretty much why I started writing. For an hour or so I could just stop thinking and express, just take a breath and write a story.

You see I love going out with friends, drinking and having a good time, but being a little down lately I decided I needed to really focus on something a little more important. My future. I haven’t really set out goals for myself, I never really needed to, and my life played out in such a way that I didn’t need to have a clear picture ahead. It was fine for about two years but before I knew it I was suddenly a couple of days out from being 21, and no idea what I was going to do for the rest of my life.

Most of my heroes were passionate people; they adored their craft and in some cases let it kill them. That was what their soul needed. Muhammad Ali fought Parkinson’s disease and lived with it for a long time. An obvious side effect of years of boxing. When he passed earlier this year, I felt ashamed. I was never going to meet him, nor did I feel like I was living up to someone who was supposed to be inspired by him so much. It was the same with Freddie Mercury, the guy was a revolution, and even though I enjoy his music and idolise him, I never really felt like I was doing him justice. You see these people are the reason I stopped thinking about unnecessary things and why I continue to write to this day. I love what I do, so why not pursue it like they did. Who’s to say I wont make it, all I have to do is ask, Why not? It’s the question that geniuses ask. Why cant you inspire and help people, why cant you teach and entertain and why cant you just love what you do, so much so that it becomes your life.

I stopped feeling bad about not doing anything; I still wish that I had the same opportunities that I have now. I wish that someone gave me a chance to prove myself, and maybe just maybe, I would’ve gotten started sooner. But in the end I cant blame other people because to be great you need to want it, you need to really act on it. There is trying but there is also doing.

I’m choosing to make a more assertive decision with how my life is going to turn out. Too long have I listened to the selfish nature of other people, I choose to be creative and innovative. Because why can’t I have the same effect as Ali or Mercury, why can’t you do the same? Its hard and tough, your emotions get the better of you and your abilities are constantly tested, but with every step comes a new experience, a new way of looking at things, a little closer to what you want to be. It doesn’t have to be writing, or business or fitness, its whatever you choose to do.

I remember watching an episode of ‘How I met your mother’. In it Ted’s future wife meets someone who encourages her to pursue a goal that she’s always wanted to achieve. And that every decision she made had to be in service to that goal. Those decisions begin as soon I finish writing this, and for you, as soon as you finish reading this. Being proactive and assertive are all major keys to success. But one thing that cannot be easily learnt is to be fearless. To know that time is fleeting and without giving it your all, you’re merely wasting time.

Don’t stop and don’t give up. Because you’re never quite finished unless you die broke and leave the world better then how you found it.

 

 

I shaved my beard on Friday night. That’s literally how my weekend started. I pretty much cut my manhood from my face. I expected to look at myself in the   mirror and see a face I hadn’t seen in months, pale malnourished and tired. I expected the bags under my eyes and all the scratches and little notches in my face from years of being hit, scratched and smashed on the floor from an all manor of different boyish things to be much more prominent and recognisable.

I guess that’s part of why I grew my beard in the first place. But besides it being a little bit of a trend and a great way to keep my face warm during the winter, I think the main reason as to why I grew it out was because I can, because I wanted too.

I made that decision by myself. Even though my parents, aunties, uncles and any other person with a shit opinion about me looking like a terrorist, gave me crap for it, I still decided to grow it out, long passed the Jesus point and borderline to that caveman, barbarian look.

I liked it a lot. But with fathers day coming around, and my dad constantly expressing his displeasure of having a 30-year-old living upstairs and eating all his food as opposed to his regular 20 year old son living upstairs eating all his food, I thought it was time for it to go.

But it was tougher than I thought. I grew so comfortable with it there that I forgot that I had a mad cleft chin and a top lip. I forgot what I actually looked like. But looking back on old photos, for some weird reason, I think anyway, I look different. The person standing in front of the mirror seemed to be a different person to the one that started his beard journey at the start of winter. I think that was nearly 6 months ago. A lot can happen in 6 months.

I don’t think I’m a better person, nor do I really think I’m worse than what I was, but I certainly am not the same.

I got scared for a second because for a moment I thought that the reason why I changed the way I looked was because I thought I looked better. That people would like me more. And maybe, looking back on it now, that was true. But realising that I no longer look like that person made me understand why I liked the way I looked before I shaved. It’s not because of everyone else. It was because of me. I liked it because that was a massive part of who I am. Its what I wanted, its how I felt, and to this day it’s the choices I made. Everybody else, for all I cared, could jog on.

 

You see, I figured it out. No matter how hard you try, playing a game, where you’re constantly trying to help someone, constantly trying to make them happy, it wont get you anywhere unless they want to do the same for you. People don’t care. It’s the worst part of humans… not caring. Yea, its cool and reflective of your chill nature but at the end of the day if you don’t care about someone, anyone, that tries to make you feel better, then there really is no reason, for that person to make an effort.

 

I shaved because it’ll make my parents happy. I’m the youngest, and without a doubt the baby of the family. They don’t want me to grow up, even though I already look 25, they want me to stay a kid forever. And they have made me happy for a long time, I couldn’t have asked for better parents. So if getting rid of the beard was a way to make them be happy to recognise their son again, then so be it. I didn’t recognise the person in the mirror because he was changed guy, worn down and beaten by the winter. But I was that guy now, a guy who realised that making the people who make him happy, happy, is what’s most important.