Marlon Brando once said that to be a great actor, one must be a great observer. I believe the same is true for writing, and so observing the rest of the world became a good excuse for me to fade off a little in an effort to feel better about myself and my work.

You see, I got anxiety after I graduated. I didn’t like the person I saw in the mirror.
My response was to at least try & get better, and lesson one was to rebuild. Both physically and mentally.

It was a tough task but regardless; I tried my best to figure it out, and after a while, I came to the conclusion that getting better meant being active in every facet of life.

I think that’s why I love working out so much. It stopped me from feeling lazy; It gave me a regimen and made me feel disciplined. It gave me goals and the progress, through hard work, could be seen. I got fitter & stronger and for the first time in a long time, there was an aspect of my life which I was actually healthy in.

But, and I know how meat headed this sounds, the gains I was making in the gym, were not the same as the gains I needed to be making throughout the rest of my life. Yes, working out gave me a new drive and a reason to get up in the morning, but as the months passed, I became solely focused on it. University work was beginning to come second and I realised that I wasn’t as focused as I thought.

So I tried something new. I tried to find different things that made me feel the same level of satisfaction. And that’s why I’m here today writing this.

I realised that when you engage the mind creatively, you open yourself up to different possibilities. You become aware of not only the world around you but everything you were and are yet to become as a person.

I always loved reading. The characters I idolised growing up had the greatest stories from all different kinds of books. Their worlds became that of which I longed to live in.
Alex Rider, The Baudelaire Siblings and of course Harry Potter.

And so naturally, writing became my next passion.

I finally found a home in two things that have now become a massive part of who I am. But it took so long and cost me too much to realise it.

You see the first few years of me putting on weight and getting bigger came with an inflow of constant comments on how much I had physically changed.

I was no longer this skinny, brown boy with annoyingly thick hair, and as much as I loved the compliments, I couldn’t help but feel like I was building a muscular wall around myself.

I didn’t want the world anymore.
I didn’t care for it.

I decided to hide in a room full of weights and observe the rest of the society instead of living in it. I figured out how stupid this was and I realised the reality of my situation.

For so long, people were saying how much I had gained….but only I knew what I had lost.

My focus was gone, or more accurately, my focus was shifted. I obsessed with how I looked. Silly things like if my arms were big enough or if the clothes I wore fit my body perfectly. I would constantly be looking in the mirror and disliking what I saw, constantly criticising my hair and face.

There wasn’t a part of me that I had liked, and there wasn’t a part of me that I hadn’t hated on. I had done more damage to myself than the world had ever done. But I didn’t come to realise it until sometime later.
By that time I had lost the simple day to day skills and characteristics which were once described as “Classic Nickin”.

Things like basic social interactions with people.

I spent so much time secluded and “observing” that I had forgotten how to interact. I stopped talking and started to neglect things like school, books, friends and family. Things that I had once held so dear to me. I was no longer bright, brash and educated but quiet and reserved, the thing’s that no one in the history of my existence had described me as before. This isn’t me, but it became who I was, and upon realising how severe things had gotten, I had to make a change.

Recreating, rebuilding…whatever it is you want to call it, all came down to making improvements everywhere. The details in not only how you look, but how you act and how you approach things are what ultimately leads to better self-progress.

The little things, like waking up earlier, not for the gym but just for life in general, gave me a kickstart to my day.
Sitting and talking to my mum and dad at dinner instead of escaping to the study with my food to watch movies and tv shows.
Engaging conversation with new people and pushing myself to interact with colleagues every day at work to edge me forward, professionally.
All these little things that I had changed in my day to day living were what allowed me to rebuild a solid foundation, one that wasn’t prone to self-esteem issues or external negativity.

Ensuring that we keep a high standard in all aspects of our lives also ensures a better outcome for ourselves, not only in the present but also the future.
Every day, every week, every month and every year that passes by, we as human being’s and members of society should always be open to seek new ways to become better. Understanding that greatness in life is in no way an easy feat, is the best way to also understanding that working on not only your professional but also your personal, emotional and physical life is essential.

Even though that may sound hard and as much as there might be sacrifices that are to be made, we should always at least try to maintain a well-rounded product that we call our lives.

Too often we forget who we are. It’s easy to get caught up in the strings of life without truly understanding the importance of individualism and self-worth.

Somewhere along the way some of us get lost. We forget the most crucial and fundamental aspects of ourselves that could otherwise be useful in getting us through the tough times. Sometimes that means that we base our value off of other people, just because that’s what we allow ourselves to see.

I hate being replaced. More accurately, I hate the feeling of being replaced.
It has happened so many times in my life that the very idea makes me sick to my core. My life was turned upside down and inside out because I thought that my place in the world was nothing compared to the next person. I think that’s why I often judge myself so critically.

The question of whether or not I am good enough is something I wrestle with every single day. I didn’t know my worth, or worse yet, I didn’t even know if I was worth anything. Once in a while, I have to ask myself whether what I write and what I say has any merit whatsoever. I try my best and I make mistakes, more than I’d care to admit. But I always thought that that wasn’t good enough.

In time, I realised that it wasn’t the world responsible for me feeling this way. Fuck, I don’t even think the world cares to be honest.

It was just certain people.

Let me just say that people aren’t born good or bad. We are a product of our environment. It is our surroundings, our lessons and our decisions that make-up who we are. Unfortunately for some, the environment that they surround themselves with results in toxicity, which means that their output, their actions and their words all become negative.

These actions are supposed to speak louder than our words, but I think it is a combination of both that defines our lifelong footprint. Unfortunately, to some, it is no more than empty sounds and gestures that they wave in our faces to make themselves feel as though they are somehow, in their own twisted way, doing the right thing.

In reality, we are more than what people treat us. Personally, it took years for me to fully understand that my worth is determined by no one else but myself. They don’t know my story, regardless of what they’ve heard. Despite trying to empathise, they can never truly understand.

Who you are and what you see yourself as are key in developing yourself as a human being. Understanding that being replaced by a “new” or “better” model doesn’t mean you’re horrible, it just means that the person replacing you never really understood you…. they probably didn’t value you, to begin with.

My first bout with depression made me realise the importance of self-appreciation and progress. When you are sick, you’re left with only trying to seek ways to get better. Even when you’re healthy, it’s important to always be open to growth. That’s what allows you to develop as a human being.

I remember feeling used and left aside. I remember thinking that despite everything that might have been going for me, I could never feel good enough to anyone. The bar was not only too high but also way out of reach.

However, as much as it sucked, I am strangely grateful. Not that it happened, but more because I began to learn what it meant to really respect yourself.

I looked to icons and people who fell on hard times. I looked at them for inspiration, not when times were well, but for when times were tough.
How they responded, how they acted, what they said and what they did.

These were the moments in history that they will be remembered for.

Which lead me to ask one question.
A question I alone had the answer to.

What did I want to remember about myself?

Did I want to remember nothing but a shell of myself, or was I going to remember a strong individual?

The hard questions lead to even harder decisions, especially when it meant to survive, I had to change.

That decision to change wasn’t easy. To be really honest, it never will be. It involves letting go of anything and anyone that sees you as nothing more than a tool for their own survival.

Accepting that you are more than that is hard but the aftermath is a feeling that is of gratitude.

You cannot live in a world of self-doubt. The cost is too high and the pain that comes with it is detrimental. You must look and move forward, shed any excess baggage and live for yourself.

Nothing has moulded and captured my heart the way fighting has. The grit, the strength and the tenacity of those athletes amaze me and it truly is one of only thing’s that I have and always will be, a fan of.
I’ve never really understood the massive hype behind other sports. I love soccer, rugby league and the NFL. I have teams in most leagues and try to keep up when I can, but I was never fully immersed in the ideas of all of them. I guess it never really stuck.

But, being deep in this world, my personal behaviour towards a sport so primitive and dangerous, was something that I have always been curious about. I always thought that I was just a fan, but in reality, I changed my life because of fighting.

Seeing Muhammad Ali as a champion of the people made me proud and confident in who I am.

The character of Anthony Joshua and the colossal physique that he brings to heavyweight boxing in this new era, made me want to change my body and exuberate a presence of pure physicality.

And don’t get me started on Conor Mcgregor. The flash and wit, coupled with the magic, that he somehow manages to wow us with, that is precision and timing, has given me a newfound perspective.

This world of right hooks, left jabs, head kicks and rear naked chokes have been moulded by the wonders of characters that are our modern day gladiators.

These athletes all came from harrowed origins and became obsessed with their craft.
But to what extent does obsession lead to a league above all else and where does it start to be a problem.

I knew that from the very first day I started writing, that I would have to commit. But I had to ask myself… is that enough?

To be honest, it’s not.

Champions are not just made through commitment, but rather a culmination of different aspects and ideas that work towards one particular goal. And that goes for everything…not just fighting.

Magnus Karlsson is a Norwegian Chess Grandmaster and current World Chess Champion.

After rummaging through various videos and articles about how his mind works and how he approaches chess, the one thing I can relate to most is his obsession with what he does. Magnus is so focused on chess, that the rest of the world doesn’t seem to matter; his family and friends find it extremely difficult to get his attention when his mind is engaged with anything chess related.

Now, to be frank, the guy is probably a little crazy. But that, I think, is the price of genius.

To be limitless in your approach to your craft and simultaneously aim high above the rest of those who may be considered “ordinary”, means your head is going be somewhat in the clouds.

The world, as a result, seems so distant and unimpressive that very little seems to ground you. We see this time and time again with actors, artists, sportsmen, creators, politicians, business people and any other person of creativity and innovation.

So how does one apply this to their own lives?

Well, the source material is a great place to start. When I first started writing, the only things that came to me were these picture perfect stories that were complete fiction. I think because of how much Harry Potter I was reading at the time, my world became based on creative writing. Now, as I keep this blog going, the material I read is mostly non-fiction.

And it doesn’t stop at books.

Being absorbed with your source material is one thing, but being creative in where and what you learn, and how you apply it is a next level style of understanding. So that’s why I engage in online articles, message boards, Reddit forums, Twitter feeds, Facebook and Instagram posts, and other blogs as inspiration for any work that I get into.

The second was not actually allowing it to control you. By all means, allowing your passion to consume you is what drives you, but the very fabric of your being weighs on you being in control of your own life.
This means understanding that there is always an end goal when it comes to anything. Without a goal, no matter how large or small, the work becomes tedious and starts to infect. Something that will diminish anything that you may have gotten out of it.

Understanding the world around what you love and having complete control over it is what I believe to be two fundamental concepts that shape and understand your art. Building blocks are necessary.

I’m not saying obsessions are healthy, and to some extent, they probably aren’t at all. But one has to ask themselves what they are willing to do, to be what they want to be, and then become the best at it.
Are they willing to punch a bag 1000 times a day?

Or creatively envision a whole new strategy to take a king with a pawn?

If not, the real question one must ask themselves is if they are content with being good rather than being great.

I’m massive comic book fan. When I was a kid, I used to obsessively collect and play with these Spiderman toys that my parents got me for my birthday and Christmas. They were jewels in my life and, to this day, I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have a good time pretending to be Peter Parker.

My brother got me into the heavier stuff though. He had a real passion for DC – Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman. I remember he customised his whole team on MADDEN and renamed the players as the alter egos of all these comic book characters; Bruce Wayne was the captain with Clarke Kent running plays as the quarterback.

So I’m grateful, each and every day, that I get to see these characters in real life on a screen. We live in such a great time in film and television with most of these art forms not only providing great entertainment but also having profound effects on the societies we live in.

Think about how we acknowledge strangers. For the most part, one can judge a person based on the TV shows they binge – Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, Mindhunter and Stranger Things. The creative expression and art that is the visual medium of film has never been so enticing and has never had so much variety. There is literally a show out there for everyone. And the people that gather around these stories create communities that people cherish.

So this morning I wake up and I do my usual check over. Scan my Instagram for anything new and check my facebook messages as well as all the memes I’ve been tagged in. I look at a couple of cute puppy videos and then I switch it to Youtube. And then that’s when I see it.

Number 1, trending worldwide with millions of views already.

Avengers: Infinity War.

You have to understand that I loved extraordinary people when I was growing up – they were my idols, fictional or otherwise. I loved athletes and heroes that could do more than the average person. Whether that be with superpowers or not, the idea of being super was, like for many young boys and girls, an awesome dream that captured my life

Now as of late, the flow of superhero movies haven’t been amazing. More specifically with the DC movie range. Batman vs Superman was ok. But from what I hear and what I’ve seen of Justice league, it was about the same as well. The game has changed and now storytelling through heroes requires so much more than cool costumes with awesome visual effects. The acting, the story and the aesthetic of the films are all massive components that each need to be hit precisely.

In my opinion, Wonder Woman was one of the only films this year, and in a while, that was actually revolutionary.
We’re talking about the first female superhero movie. Not only did it live up to the hype, but it broke boundaries and shared and visited so many contextually relevant social issues that connected with so many people all over the world.
In a time where women were not treated equally, the idea of a woman who chose to fight, despite being oppressed, gave life to a whole new world in where simple comic book heroes can now delve.

So when you see the trailer for the new Avengers movie, you can’t help but be curious as to what might be in store. And truth be told, it probably doesn’t have the same social commentary but it does what comic books have always done for kids like me; it gives us an escape.
The clashing of worlds and the melding of so many complex characters, each of which brings their own personalities, are revolutionary in itself.

There’s this scene in the new trailer where Peter Parker’s spidey senses go off. The hairs on his arm all raise up as an imminent threat arrives.
That’s when the goosebumps kick in.
Your brain automatically goes back to all those times you were a kid. Where Spiderman was up against something just out of his reach. A situation where he had to go beyond his superpowers to fight the bad guy and how he did so despite the odds.

It went beyond entertainment, and instead preached more about character.

Comic book movies are a lot more than box office smashes. They’re a light in a world for many young and now older people who continue to live their lives in wonder. So there’s no confusion when movies like this are a big deal, we need them more than anything.

So you can’t deny the hype around this movie, and I will not apologise for how excited I am. My childhood, just like many others’, is about to become more of a reality than we’ve ever imagined.

When does a public figure, stop being a public figure and start being a symbol.

History has always shown the immense popularity and importance of athletes and their influence on society. The most prominent of all, the greatest of all time and the peoples champion, Muhammad Ali. The Louisville Lip was and still is among the greatest activists and symbols for coloured people throughout America and the rest of the world. Nothing quite matched his charisma or his brash outspoken voice against the established order. And no one quite like him has emerged.

We’ve seen actors and politicians, musicians and internet icons stand up and speak for their own movements. Some with great effect and others slowly wither away as people lack interest.
Colin Kaepernick managed to overcome all of this and became a symbol for Black Americans and was recognised for it, throughout the world.

All because he decided to take a stand, by not standing, but kneeling during the national anthem.

Here we have one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL, playing for one of the most decorated teams in the history of American Sports, using his voice and platform to speak against police brutality.

 

Somehow Kaepernick’s kneeling sparked even more interest. The world was listening and no one could deny the impact it was having on not just the game of American Football, but worldwide. Kaepernick had moved beyond being just a football player and was now becoming the face of a movement.

Despite being benched, and his performance on the field starting to dwindle, Colin still knelt. Regardless, he is still one of the best in the league and even though we could not see it, there was no denying that to him, this was much more important. That is the lives of many people who have been terrorised by police brutality and systematic racism. For him, this is bigger than football.

So why would an elite athlete, voicing his concern, resonate with people all around the world?

 

Well, there is something about the society that we live in today, that listens to those who know the grind of everyday life. Especially those who are constantly tested and who become an icon through connecting with the masses. Middle America is filled with the multicultural and the coloured. A whole new melting pot that didn’t exist 20-30 years ago. It isn’t too different to how we are in Australia. So when one of us rises up, someone with a unique story and a team quite literally behind them, it’s hard not to relate, we can’t help but feel that connection regardless of how famous he may be.

Black America has had issues with law enforcement in the past. With a large portion of prison populations being African American, and a significant number of young black Americans being persecuted by stereotypes that may arise as a result. Systematic oppression exists. And people are dying as a result of it.

Colin Kaepernick means no disrespect. But like many others who live that life, he knows for certain that the words “ land of the free and the home of the brave” are not relevant because, for them, it just isn’t true.
Truth, justice and liberty for all are exactly that…for all. But when people live their day to day life with lies and injustice in a social cage, you have to ask yourself…why should they stand?

In primary school, every Thursday we used to have a whole school assembly. Before we started with all the announcements and awards, we always sang the Australian National Anthem. I remember practising for it in class.

One brown boy, in and amongst a room full of white kids. All of whom were proud to tuck their ocean blue shirts into their navy blue shorts and stand up for the national anthem.
Every Thursday they sang “For those who’ve come across the seas
We’ve boundless plains to share,
With courage let us all combine
To advance Australia fair.”

The very next day, some of those kids would call me “curry muncher” and tell me to “go back to where I came from”…the irony was all too real.

I chose to sing, all throughout primary school, and all throughout high school because I believed in those words. So many other people shared my belief.
But for others, it was just that…words.

The saddest part was watching so many other adults, stand by and let the next generation say these hurtful things. Words and phrases that very much could cause someone like me, to turn against and away from the Australian dream. Something they so heavily revered.

These people forced us to stand and pay respect to an anthem they themselves didn’t even live by.

Their words didn’t make sense…their world didn’t make sense.

Now movements like the one Kaepernick started, are the only things that can show them why. It’s words and subsequent actions that stimulate this hateful thought. People make it ok for this to become a norm in our society. As we accept their actions we also accept the system built around it.
By not standing, Colin Kaepernick chooses to speak against the order built around prejudice and racism.  For all those who have been stung by cruel words and wounded by hateful bullets.

 

Now more than ever it is vital for our voices to be heard. Our opinions matter and for change to happen, the biggest and most influential people in the world have to take responsibility for their platforms. Just like Colin did, and he hasn’t been alone.

Ali did it in the late 60’s. Tommie Smith and John Carlos did it at the 1968 Olympics. This hasn’t been the first and won’t be the last of anyone of prominence using their stage for a political stance.

Kaepernick joins a long line of men and women who use their voice to bring about change.

Whether that change comes about, only time will tell.

61.6% of Australians voted yes, 38.4% voted no. Needless to say the 15^th of November is a historic day for all Australians.

With the ABS equal marriage survey finally showing the will of our nations people, the country can now finally understand and accept the new way forward for marriage equality. We are now on the way to joining the list of countries that have legalised same sex marriage. Personally, I could not be happier, but I cannot help but be a little worried for a future.

The whole basis of Australian life is coexistence. The communities and societies that we are all apart of, work on a fundamental Australian dream that consists of happy smiles and neighbourly conversations. Now, for the most part, our worlds will mesh finally with the LGBTQ community and if all goes well, they will be accepted as a norm of our society. No longer will they be considered the “other” and no longer will the old fashioned values of a past Australia restrict their right to love. All is supposed to be well.

But is it?

The margin maybe a majority but the difference is not. 38% of people said no. 38% do not agree, and 38% of people do not want this to happen. This worries me…I expected a landslide. It was very soon after, that I saw numerous posts from outspoken religious and conservative peoples. All of which were outraged about what they consider a tarnished look on marriage in Australia. 38% of people were let down, that’s over 4 and a half million people who aren’t happy campers.

I cant help but ask myself what this means.

Do we have protests?

Are people in danger?

Are families at risk?

And  can we no longer achieve a coexisting society?

Only Time will tell.

And while the rest of us celebrate, 4 873,987 people sit at home, go to work, and live their lives, shaking their heads and wondering what in the hell happened to their worlds.

In a world of radicalism, the realists and pessimists will only fear a revolt that might cause more harm than ever. Our worlds are colliding, and not everyone is going to accept it. That alone is a reason for us to educate and inspire, and not ostracise those who are not convinced.

In the last three to four years I have learnt that problems rarely get solved when we do nothing but debate. That time has passed. Communication and discussion are the only ways in which we can harmoniously coexist. Rather than ridicule and crucify those 4 million people, show them that the world is not going to change for the worst.

Accept what you may consider their flaws and help the rest of society become the community that the Australian dream was built around.

This isn’t just your world, nor is it just mine. It’s everyone’s…so we might as well get along.

AS a young man the importance of fulfilling the wishes of your family has always been the standard in which I hold myself to. Among these wishes is what is considered to be a plan, in which every woman and man must follow for their life for it to be fulfilling.

I decided to follow a different path. My life was my choice and I thought the best thing for me was to understand that things could never go your way, no matter how much you plan it out.

But regardless of all of this, the idea of marriage was something I have always revered. It was something I have always planned on doing and something that, although being part of the traditional “plan”, was something I always had in mind. Mainly because from an early age I realized the importance of relationships, how difficult and, simultaneously, how amazing finding one person that you want to spend the rest of your life with can be.

 

Wedding season has just started for my family and I. Its usually a beautiful time of the year, but one can’t help but feel a little sad in the residing fact that one is still single and have been for quite some time. I guess when you look at a couple dancing, staring into each other’s eyes with such beautiful emotion, you can’t help but feel some type of way. I think and wish that despite being single and happy, hopefully, one day I can feel that way about someone special as well.

 

So naturally when the idea of people who love each other deeply cannot enter that union because of a legality, and because they are in love with someone who is of the same sex, frustrates me deeply. I’ve never tried to be political and controversial and having grown up in a somewhat conservative household, I understand the worry that some people have when the concept of gay marriage comes about.

 

I get it.

With so many factors in place and so many values and traditions being called into question, especially in the ethnic communities, the idea of same-sex marriage can somewhat be daunting. I know for a fact that many families in my friend circles have had a strong stance against it. And whilst personally, I disagree with their opinions, I understand that it in no way stems from hate, but rather a deep-rooted sense of culture that was so heavily embedded in their own lives.

 

This discussion has been brought up many times in and amongst my close friends and family. Most say that they will vote yes whilst others saying that they are going to vote no. For the most part, the latter group of people has no form of hatred towards men and women who are gay, but rather cite religious and cultural reasons as to why they do not agree with the legalization of gay marriage.

To that, I have to say this.

The nation-state of Australia and its legal system is a government and society that is free and separate from all religions. The laws, groups, and individuals that govern this country are to separate the state and religion on all matters. This means that Australia and Australians are not to be governed or judged through any specific form of religion, tradition or culture, but rather through rules, laws, and regulations that are reflective of a harmonious society, one that strives for peace, justice, and coexistence.

 

 

And whilst the Australian way of life was founded on basic Christian principals, the world in which we now live in has changed. Society has less become about church on Sundays and more about the Sunday BBQ.

People have come from all over the world and settled in this country, in search of a better life, one free from persecution and war, or for a new, and better chapter in their lives. The time to judge based on old values is coming to an end. Instead, we must accept everyone into our communities, provided they are not a threat and do not seek to hurt or be a negative influence. Coexisting is the key and seeking to understand the other side is a vital step in making a difference for the better.

Look, I’m not expecting everyone to understand the workings of a conservative community. Nor am I expecting all those from conservative backgrounds to understand everything about being gay.

But let’s just remember that it isn’t all about hate. And let’s also remember that in order to have a society that functions properly, we need to separate the law from any one group of people in any community.

 

Because the world is for everyone. Whether you’re gay, straight, black, brown or white, we all have to live together. And everyone deserves the right to live and love whomever they want.

 

First of all, I want to apologise to anyone that cares about my lack of activity on my blog. The truth is I needed to get a lot of other things in order before I started writing again. For the 22 year old tortured, male, Indian creator, the struggle is real. Having said that, my passion for writing and dishing out somewhat relevant advice to anyone that would listen never went away, so I’m glad to say that I’m ready to go.

 

With winter just passing and the warm weather that most of us so desperately were yearning for slowly starting to creep in, you can’t help but feel like we’re starting to shed our old skins, especially because of the massive events that have affected the world in the last couple of months. With Hurricane Harvey and Irma wreaking havoc in Texas and Florida, the whirlwind of heartbreak and concern rumbled through out lives in a 12 round slug fest that ended with nothing more than a keen sigh of relief when it was over, and a now realistic understanding of how quickly the world can change for better or for worse. The real epiphany, however, that we somehow learn and re learn time and time again is one simple idea.

That the odds are stacked against us.

 

You can’t always fully understand mother nature, let alone stop whatever it is that she may throw at you, but what we can understand is the reality of how tough the weather can get…literally and metaphorically.

 

A classic example of this was the Mayweather, McGregor fight last month.

A lot of people hit me up asking for my opinion.

And after so heavily endorsing Conor, and then having to watch him get TKO’d in the 10^th round was, nevertheless, devastating.

 

But in all fairness and respect to his ability as a Boxer and a Fighter, Conor weathered a very big storm. He did a lot better than what a lot of people thought and he proved what many other people seemed to doubt from the beginning. His mindset.

 

Now I’m not saying that a boxing match that was dubbed the biggest event in sporting history is anything like the ferocity and terror that the people of Texas and Florida faced, but what I can say is that if we can learn anything from the last two months, its that human beings are tough, strong and persistent. We show true grit and are capable of getting through things through what can only be described as rock solid resiliency. The odds may never be in our favour but when we think about the necessity to step up and then keep on moving forward, something lights a fire in us that can never be extinguished. We may get blown away and gassed out, but we do not quit and we do not lose. We either win or we learn… and more importantly, we survive.

 

My faith in Conor is much like my faith in humanity, at times tested and at times disappointed. But after it’s all said and done, its still there…all the way through to the 12^th round.

My grandfather named my dad after Alexander the great. Now coming from a traditional Christian Malayalee family, the name Alexander was somewhat uncommon. Most Christians from Kerala have names like Joseph, Mary, Thomas or John. I guess you could say Appachen was setting up dad to a high expectation and standard, which he seemed to have lived up to. His whole life he worked hard. From an early age he excelled in school and killed it in college, landing a top 3 spot in one of the most prestigious Engineering colleges in the country and working from the bottom up in a range of companies including Matel, the famous toy manufacturer in his time in Malaysia. Now my father works as the head of his own small business, manufacturing small, complicated components in a medium sized warehouse in the cold industrial area in Ingleburn. A business that has provided a job for almost everyone in our family, and is where I earn an income to this very day. It is safe to say that he lived up to his name. Even though the world may not know his face, dad figured out a way to carve his own path through difficulty and thrive in ways that he seldom gets credit for.

Now in some cases, in our culture, the father of the family’s first name gets passed onto his wife and children as their last name. For example, my uncle is named Sunny, so his children, Reubal and Thara’s full names are Reubal and Thara Sunny. Likewise, my brother and I inherited Alexander as our last names. Kevin became well renowned for his big mouth and even bigger presence, standing large and tall, no one could miss him. He followed dads path in the engineering world and now works in an office in Melbourne. I guess you could say that despite his limited understanding of communication, my brother truly became great in his own right. From a scrawny, thin teenager to a big, broad bearded man, he has quite strongly shown the world that anyone can make it.

 

Me on the other hand, not so much.

 

I struggled day in and day out doing the things that many Indian boys excelled at. I wasn’t typically interested in studies and even though I did exceptionally well I didn’t match to my brown peers. Instead I focused on other things like writing, sports, social issues and girls. Things that I felt I could excel in. And although I am very proud of the things I have done with not only my own physical, mental and emotional changes but also the affect of my actions through art, like this blog, I can’t help but feel that I have a long way to go to ever be considered great.

I intern at Diversity Arts Australia once a week, and have done so for the last 8-9 months. What started as a work placement for a subject in Uni, ended up being something I became incredibly passionate about. While I never truly excelled in academia, I still wished to think that my passion and energy for art and the lack of diversity in Australian art would resonate with someone with a similar background to me, thus becoming part of a large social change that needs to happen. Part of a my work involved helping out at a symposium this week called “Beyond Tick Boxes” which brought together artists, producers, organisations, policy makers and arts bodies from both within and outside of Western Sydney to discuss issues of cultural diversity and inclusion. Needles to say I was truly inspired by the commitment and passions shown and shared by not only the rest of the team at DARTs but also across all spectres.

Artists creating short films to emphasise the systematic racism within the industry, journalists and producers from massive corporations like the ABC and SBS  encouraging people of all walks of life to participate in communication with Australian society and a wide variety of academics, dedicating time and valuable resources in diagnosing problems that must be addressed in order for real change to happen.

Truthfully, I couldn’t but help feel like a small fish amongst seals, turtles, dolphins and whales in a very large ocean. It wasn’t until I listened to one citizen journalist by the name of Sunil Badami, did I truly understand the reason I chose to carve this path I was walking right now. Pursuing greatness should not be the goal, but doing your best is.

Excellence is not something the elite decide, rather it is what you define as your life work. Whether you like it or not, competition in the form of eager students or incredibly intelligent young brown people are not actually the threat to your own existence. Rather it is the doubt and lack of confidence you may have in yourself and your work that eats away at your own understanding of your own path.

My own path is one of physical and emotional hardships. From being beaten down by the biggest kid in the playground, to being the bigger man and letting go of cowards and little men who have little to no real respect. From struggling with mental health and depression, to showing nothing but positivity and light onto to dark situations that the everyday person may experience day in and day out. My world is that of struggle and battles. My way is the way of the warrior.

My time to myself has taught me to realise that despite what many would think, the fight to achieve excellence and to achieve greatness, is one that requires you to use every ounce of strength, brain’s, emotion and all the balls that you may or may not have to make it. So in my effort to share my story I have found that emphasising key ideas and themes in myself and then expressing them  was a way for me to realise any potential I have in this little life of mine.

 

Greatness is not shying away from the people, Greatness is being accepted by the people. To be a champion of society and to overcome any wars you face in your own existence. And that is what I choose to do.

I realised very quickly that being lazy for me was an easy pattern to fall into.  I found comfort in TV shows and YouTube videos and at times forgot about the world outside. When we used to have two-week holidays back in high school, I noticed how much time I would spend indoors watching tv or eating absurd amounts of junk food, especially in winter. These habits started to reoccur and I quickly started to delve deeply into a much more morbid state of being. Now some days, you do just need to lay in bed or on the couch and watch Netflix and eat to your heart’s content, but I started to notice how it became more negative for me. I couldn’t quite describe it but, looking back on it all now, I figured out what it was – it was lethargy.

I fucking hate that word so much. It sounds gross and makes me CRINGE everytime I hear it. But reevaluating my life and my choices meant accepting the words lazy, pathetic, dry and lethargic as acceptable adjectives to describe what I was becoming.

My mate from church, George, spoke about this frequently. Even to this day, he is one of the most active people I know. George was always somewhat athletic. He had a great build and was always super competitive when it came to any sport we used to play as a group. But like many others, when he graduated from high school and started university, he fell into the odd patterns of a lazy student. I didn’t pay much attention to what he was doing at the time but I noticed it – having watched my older brother show similar symptoms – and I figured this was normal engineering student life.

Much to my surprise though, he broke out of these patterns, unlike many others struggling through study and work. From re-joining a soccer team to taking up Muay Thai and even getting into mountain bike riding, I couldn’t help but envy his sense of drive.

I spoke to him constantly about his experiences and the one thing I learnt was that the main motivation was to NOT step into the dark and dreaded bed of lethargy.

When I figured out that I was starting to sleep in that bed, I decided to make sure that I wouldn’t leave the issue disregarded any further and started to at least try and not be as lazy as I once was. So I figured out three main areas of my life in which I needed to get the blood moving  and decided to trigger them in different ways.

The first was physical. I started working out properly when I was 17 and I haven’t really stopped. Muscle building and proper exercise that targets overall health and fitness are supposed to go hand in hand but often get misconstrued. I decided to increase my cardio and also started researching interesting ways to get my heart rate up apart from just running on a treadmill. I started by going on runs with our dog Roman. He was always up for it and super fast and energetic so it wasn’t easy at all. But after a while I wanted to do more with my hands and the rest of my body, as opposed to just using my legs. After much deliberation, I figured out a great way for me to do my cardio and learn something at the same time. My fascination with Mixed Martial Arts drove me towards picking up some sort of striking exercise, so I decided to hire a trainer and do mitt work every two to three weeks. I still do it and tbh I sweat like a motherf****r. Not only am I building my fitness back up through endurance, I’m also improving my hand eye coordination and my body movement as well. A lot of body building exercises created stiffness and lactic acid, so releasing all of this through some sort of discipline helped me get back into great shape and the endorphins after a half an hour session meant the rest of the day was spent in a good mood.

The second was mental. I learnt a lot from podcasts but for me, nothing could ever be the same as a good book. Instead of reading Harry Potter for the 1000th time (quiz me on it, I dare you), I moved towards really great non-fiction books that interested me. Right now, I’m reading this book on Genghis Khan and, even though it can be kinda hard to grasp at times, it’s actually pretty great.   I learnt a whole bunch on the Mongols like the fact that they didn’t tax schools, religious institutions or the equivalent of hospitals, or the fact that they showed great curiosity in the religion and customs of other societies. I used to think they were nothing more than barbarians but now I can’t help but think that they actually were onto some really great ideas about civilisation as a whole.

As boring as that may sound to some of ya’ll, I think it’s vital for us as a generation to not limit ourselves to the education we receive from schools and universities. Rather, we should dare to watch, read and discover the world through our own deduction. It may not be through a book, but I found documentaries and TedX talks a great way to spend my free time as well.

Despite engaging myself physically and mentally, I still felt somewhat empty so the third and last aspect was engaging my emotions. Last Wednesday, my mum sent me a message on Whatsapp. It was a chain message that celebrated the birthday of Charlie Chaplin…even though Charlie Chaplin’s birthday was nearly a month and a half before hand. However, the message reminded me of three very emotional statements that he had made during his life.

The first was that nothing is permanent, not even our troubles.

The second was that he loved to walk in the rain because nobody could see his tears.

And the third was that the most wasted day in life is one in which we have not laughed.

Every day that I spent on my ass was a day that I had done a disservice to all three of these statements. Charlie Chaplin is one of my heroes and even though it’s been long since he has passed, I felt like I had failed his memory and more importantly, his impact on this world.

In my zombified state I forgot about letting go of my worries, I was too afraid to ever shed a tear even to myself, and above all else I forgot to laugh and smile at even the most enjoyable moments. And that was the saddest part of my existence. Even though not every day is the same, I now know that I at least have to try and live with some type of zest, with a little bit of curiosity and little more enthusiasm. I chose to really enjoy little moments, to laugh at a joke, to really listen to conversations and to try and not be afraid to shed a tear every now and then.

So, I know the Walking Dead may make zombies out to be super cool, but being a zombie isn’t at all. Its shit…Don’t die, don’t fall into that pit of lethargy and fall asleep. Wake up and try and live a little.