I loved playing team sports growing up.
I think being part of a unit with one particular goal is always going to be motivating. Especially being young, hungry and ready to prove myself.
Its why I work well in teams today. And it was nice, you could always rely on someone to back you up, to pick you up when you’ve fallen or give you with joy even in their own triumph.
However, I realised very quickly that while it is important to play for your teammates and as much as brotherhood and mateship are important, most of your life is dedicated to yourself…something I think I forgot for a long time.
We are constantly taught about the necessity of being a team player, but too often we find people who don’t care about the team at all. And sometimes they’re all the better for it.

When I was younger, there was this kid that used to play for our soccer team. He joined up and was an instant talent. He was good at moving the ball, and scored almost every game….but he rarely passed. He never congratulated anyone else, and he never spoke a word of gratitude to anyone.

You could imagine the disappointment and eventual disdain one could have for someone who cared little about the people he shared a team with. But for some reason, I grew to admire him. He was selfish, malicious…and he had spite in his eyes.

Although I didn’t condone his actions, nor did I approve of his perception of himself or our team, I did, however, somewhat understand why he was the way he was. I realised that he was his own priority. It wasn’t us against them…it was him against the world.

A realisation that became a truth. An unhealthy situation, that wasn’t just his, but my own reality.

It sucks to admit that a chip on my shoulder has seemed to have grown in recent times, but how could it not?
Recent events have taught me that your world is easily trampled on by other people, so when the obstacles of life continuously push you down…what better way is there to live life?

That mindset… the lone wolf, tenacious, I don’t give a fuck attitude is the reason a lot of people succeed… and to be fair, it’s also the reason why a lot more people come up short.

But there is always some liberation in facing obstacles solo. A sense of freedom that allows you to really see what you’re capable of, regardless of how angry or emotional you may be.

At times we rely too heavily on other people. I myself have wondered why no one has come to my rescue in times of strife. Some would label that weakness…and I would tend to agree. But the reality is that those situations of solitude can actually be a blessing in disguise.

For me, there are times where I work alone, not for self-growth or progress but purely out of spite. I take things very personally and I get emotional when things don’t always go my way.
I am invested.

For years, my loved ones told me that I should let things go. But the grudges I hold are not for or against the people who wronged me. It’s for myself. I detest who I am sometimes…not because I hate myself as a whole, but because I want to be better.

Spite can be a horrible thing. It makes us malicious and cold and turns us savage. Its what really makes us animals.
But is it as bad as we think?
Doesn’t it in some twisted way, make us better?

I don’t know if there is any warmth in solitude…all I know is that there is a grind, there is a path and while there are people who you love that will support you, there is the very likely chance that you have to walk it by yourself.

Too often do we spoil ourselves with the comfort of other people, and as a result, we fail to see any potential that we have in ourselves.

Being part of a team is amazing…it’s fulfilling to support and show love for people who you share a goal with, and without it, life would be difficult, to say the least.
But when things get prickly, it’s hard to rely on anyone else. Even when you cry for help, there will be the likely chance that no one will answer. And for me, that’s ok…I learnt the lesson of independence from those moments and I will never forget them.

They say soldiers make armies…and soldiers are people. But when you’re fighting the battles of life, you can’t always rely on something as fickle as people to help when you are helpless. Sometimes the only person who can help you… is you.