Too often we forget who we are. It’s easy to get caught up in the strings of life without truly understanding the importance of individualism and self-worth.

Somewhere along the way some of us get lost. We forget the most crucial and fundamental aspects of ourselves that could otherwise be useful in getting us through the tough times. Sometimes that means that we base our value off of other people, just because that’s what we allow ourselves to see.

I hate being replaced. More accurately, I hate the feeling of being replaced.
It has happened so many times in my life that the very idea makes me sick to my core. My life was turned upside down and inside out because I thought that my place in the world was nothing compared to the next person. I think that’s why I often judge myself so critically.

The question of whether or not I am good enough is something I wrestle with every single day. I didn’t know my worth, or worse yet, I didn’t even know if I was worth anything. Once in a while, I have to ask myself whether what I write and what I say has any merit whatsoever. I try my best and I make mistakes, more than I’d care to admit. But I always thought that that wasn’t good enough.

In time, I realised that it wasn’t the world responsible for me feeling this way. Fuck, I don’t even think the world cares to be honest.

It was just certain people.

Let me just say that people aren’t born good or bad. We are a product of our environment. It is our surroundings, our lessons and our decisions that make-up who we are. Unfortunately for some, the environment that they surround themselves with results in toxicity, which means that their output, their actions and their words all become negative.

These actions are supposed to speak louder than our words, but I think it is a combination of both that defines our lifelong footprint. Unfortunately, to some, it is no more than empty sounds and gestures that they wave in our faces to make themselves feel as though they are somehow, in their own twisted way, doing the right thing.

In reality, we are more than what people treat us. Personally, it took years for me to fully understand that my worth is determined by no one else but myself. They don’t know my story, regardless of what they’ve heard. Despite trying to empathise, they can never truly understand.

Who you are and what you see yourself as are key in developing yourself as a human being. Understanding that being replaced by a “new” or “better” model doesn’t mean you’re horrible, it just means that the person replacing you never really understood you…. they probably didn’t value you, to begin with.

My first bout with depression made me realise the importance of self-appreciation and progress. When you are sick, you’re left with only trying to seek ways to get better. Even when you’re healthy, it’s important to always be open to growth. That’s what allows you to develop as a human being.

I remember feeling used and left aside. I remember thinking that despite everything that might have been going for me, I could never feel good enough to anyone. The bar was not only too high but also way out of reach.

However, as much as it sucked, I am strangely grateful. Not that it happened, but more because I began to learn what it meant to really respect yourself.

I looked to icons and people who fell on hard times. I looked at them for inspiration, not when times were well, but for when times were tough.
How they responded, how they acted, what they said and what they did.

These were the moments in history that they will be remembered for.

Which lead me to ask one question.
A question I alone had the answer to.

What did I want to remember about myself?

Did I want to remember nothing but a shell of myself, or was I going to remember a strong individual?

The hard questions lead to even harder decisions, especially when it meant to survive, I had to change.

That decision to change wasn’t easy. To be really honest, it never will be. It involves letting go of anything and anyone that sees you as nothing more than a tool for their own survival.

Accepting that you are more than that is hard but the aftermath is a feeling that is of gratitude.

You cannot live in a world of self-doubt. The cost is too high and the pain that comes with it is detrimental. You must look and move forward, shed any excess baggage and live for yourself.