I took some time off to do my own kind of research. I went  through uni and to be honest the only thing that I found to be a common lesson in each and every class was that despite what you think might be right, there will always be at least one person who disagrees. So, with that in mind,  I decided to stop preaching and actually put  this social and political science degree that many people discredit, to good use. I had a goal, which was the find out whether or not people change whilst also trying to figure out  why we act the way we act. I decided to take three months and I decided to focus my understanding on me.

 

This is no lie. No bullshit, I studied myself, like a typical narcissistic douche. But to be clear and to be completely honest, I don’t think much of myself. 21 years has gone so fast and in my existence I felt thoroughly disappointed at how my life ended up. Graduated and supposedly educated I started to really criticise what it really meant to be Nickin Alexander. Despite my lack of “success” in most aspects of my life I figured out quickly that a lack of motivation and a whole lot of discouragement from external voices was probably the reason why I felt as though I was constantly digging myself a grave that required more and more effort to climb out of. I know it seems self deprecating but it’s the objective truth. Being critical is important, especially in regards to yourself. I didn’t find much to be genuinely proud of.

 

But through all the self analysis, I could safely assume that the one positive thing that I was responsible for, was this.

 

Regardless of  what many of you may think, Guru Nickin actually did have  a profound effect on a lot of different people’s lives. Despite all the punctuation and spelling mistakes.  I guess what I was saying and what I was writing was actually relatable. But I think the reason why I changed my mind and decided to put on the breaks was because I was never really confident in what I was doing nor was I happy with how it was all going. I guess like many other things I had focused on, I became discouraged because of my own self-consciousness and lack of drive.But now being what I would now consider being between a rock and a hard place, I think it’s time to just say “fuck it”.

 

Although the potential I once exhibited might be still lingering around somewhere in this ruggedly handsome face and chiseled body, it won’t work without motivation and hard work. Both of which I am lacking. So I decided to do what many lazy young men choose not to. And that’s embrace the uncomfortable. It’s time to break out of the rut, and realise that the world doesn’t need anymore hippie wandering lefties, or pig headed rightists. It doesn’t need anymore good looking muscled fitness freaks nor does it need any more obese loud mouths pretending like something isn’t wrong with them.

 

It is time, to quote a certain Gotham Police Detective,  for the world to truly accept the hero it doesn’t deserve but the one it truly and so desperately needs. And the world needs a Guru, not one that preaches a faith or spirituality but one that accepts the world for what it is. A populated jungle with strange wildlife and an even stranger appetite for fighting the strong and chewing and spitting out the weak. I lived with the idea that smart people are the ones with degrees and education. No. that doesn’t matter, you know why? Because I spent three years at a university and I came across more dumbasses than 20 years of living in Western Sydney. That might be a blow to some but it’s the reality for all of us.
It’s time to stick that middle finger up and just not give two shits, because this is probably gonna be rock bottom, so theres nowhere else but up. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows, it’s a very mean and nasty place. So for the sake of all that is shit in the world, I think I’ll continue to do this so long that it keeps on being a sanctuary for those who need it. Those who feel little in a big world, and those who just want to feel like they can read something without feeling dumb or out of place. I finally found a place where I could let my voice be heard, a place where I felt like I achieved something, and it was right here all along.