Once in a while I express a little about myself in these posts that help push a message or a theme. It’s a valuable component of writing and as a writer it allows myself and many of you who read this, a way to connect. I’ve always been vocal in the idea that our past is what makes up who we are and who we are to become, and without it we are no more better than who we were yesterday. That is the point of growing, essentially becoming a better version of ourselves for tomorrow.

I think that’s why depression and mental health is something I touch on regularly. Not only is it a great way to relate to a lot of people out there who may be suffering in any way shape or form, but its also a way for me to get my story out there, in little snippets, to try and understand myself and what I was better.

I think that’s why I love doing this so much, its more than an educative piece others can draw from, it’s an outlet for me to learn and grow and something that is now becoming a massive part of my very existence.

Once in a while though, you question your very motives for doing something like this. Asking yourself the most pivotal questions is vital when dealing with the truth in any circumstance. And despite your best efforts, trying to focus on the good becomes hard. You see it was not too long ago that I was labelled as being a disappointment, from being an exceptional student to falling into a pit of bad habits and decisions, my life turned downwards because of a handful of unfortunate circumstances. I failed to really embrace myself and instead chose to make myself into something that was far from where my path was taking me.

Destiny had a plan, and I did everything I could to walk away from it. It wasn’t until April of 2014 that I truly realised the dark pit I was trapped in, I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety.

I may have spoken about this before but coming completely clean is probably for the best right now, I mean it seems fitting since it is now the time of year were we live in a month that focuses on male health.

I found out quickly that I had been suffering depression for nearly two years, that the person that I was in my last two years of high school wasn’t really me. It was a smiling mask that hid a very sad and troubled young man. I couldn’t sleep properly and had no self-esteem. I had a very unhealthy obsession with my body and zero motivation in any form of my studies. But besides that there was no longer any belief in myself, somehow, someway I had lost all of that.

To this day I don’t know what it was that caused it, nor do I know when exactly it started, all I know was that I overcame it, then fell into it again not long ago, beat it again, then recently fell back into my old ways of self-doubt and sadness.

My life hadn’t turned out the way I wanted it to, it didn’t even come close…every time I thought I was going into something great, I slipped and fell into another pit of sorrow and darkness. I remember the first time I did, I grew a beard and smiled harder, I wanted to be bigger, faster and stronger. I wanted to make sure that I was never to be hurt again. Of course I was in for a surprise.

The second time around, I found it hard to visualise myself as being angry any longer, it had become exhausting, so instead I wanted to be a positive light in the world, a ray of sunshine that others could nap and enjoy the warmth of.

Now my only reason for getting through it is simple. I have to. It’s necessary. Because regardless of how excellent you are, no matter how much of a good person you have become, bad things will always happen. That’s life.

I wanted this to be a place where people can learn and grow. People can escape their hustle and bustle of their lives and really enjoy reading something from some guy, a self proclaimed guru, who just wants to be happy. But truthfully, being real is what’s most important, being honest is a tribute to character and having a good heart trumps all the bad that comes with life.

I thought now would be a great time to really share my issues, the month of November has become a testimony to men sharing their experiences and bringing awareness to all male health problems, so why not share with everyone my own experiences and what I have learnt.

The truth is, despite all the self-perseverance and determination, all I ever wanted was someone to put their arm around me and ask me if I was ok. And that didn’t always happen. To no ones fault, the people around me mistook my smile for being true and couldn’t see the sadness that I felt. But now they know, and that’s the best thing about awareness… letting people know that its ok, and that everything will be all right in the end.

Friendship and love got me through a large part of my darker times, sitting in front of a bunch of my friends performing a dance at my 21^st was the focal point of my realisation that you can find courage, compassion, kindness, beauty and help, all around the corner. All you have to do is look, and all you have to do is ask. The world has nasty way of bringing you down but an even better way of showing you the good; all you have to do is look.

So today, tomorrow, next week and next year, bring in the good…forget those who have forgotten you, because you deserve better. And never forget the people who were there for you and make sure you keep them by your side. Because enjoying that, is what gets you through it all. That is what helps you climb out of that deep, dark pit.