I hate growing up. And for two years, since i turned 18, I have not looked forward to my birthday. Its kinda sad that we get older and older and all that we have left is limited time.  I was actually not looking forward to turning 20 at all. I had to say goodbye to my teens, to all the memories I had growing up throughout high school and the beginning of uni. And yea, 20 isn’t that old, but its scary, scary knowing that the rest of your life is coming as fast as the last 20 years went. I woke up  this morning slightly upset because part of me didn’t want me to acknowledge that it was all real. I had an idea of what I wanted to look like when I reached my twenties, and sufficed to say I don’t think I am what I pictured. That made me sad. The idea of being this big buff, intelligent, good looking guy was an idea, a picture that seemed so easy to attain. But instead it was the opposite. It was hard. It was hard because it was something that I wanted but not something that I am. And thats the beauty about growing up. I changed into something better. I became a person who knew who he was, and knew that ive yet to discover a million more things about myself. I was sad. But I became thankful. Thankful that I had great friends who messaged me this morning as soon as September the 3rd came around to write a heart felt text that actually made everything seem so much better. Thankful that these friends bought me beer and lunch and sat down to let me enjoy being 20, that posted photos and walked into class with a smile and a greeting, friends that messaged and posted me on my  Facebook and twitter, saying how much they missed me and how much they appreciated me with there revealing and embarrassing photos, offering me advice about what new shoes I had to get and calling me an idiot because I got ripped off by some guy offering to fix my phone.

My mum sang me happy birthday at 6 AM in the morning even though she knew I was half asleep and half annoyed at being woken up, but did it anyway just to let me know that she didn’t forget. My dad who shook my hand and patted me on the back, and drove me to the station just so I didn’t have to catch the bus on my birthday, and my brother. He bought me a phone armband so i can workout and listen to my sweet tunes at the same time, no fuss or hassle…i used to think he didn’t pay attention to me or my life, but that goes to show that despite me being the smart ass that i am, he still gives a shit. And so does everyone else. And i am so grateful.

Not long ago I thought I was alone. I was determined to lone wolf it, and just do me. Slowly I began to realise how much I missed people but I shunned it away because I wanted to, because I thought it was necessary for me to grow. But i was so wrong. Those people were the reason i got through the depression, the body image problems and all those bad nights and gruelling moments in the gym and i’m so grateful. I wish i could go back to that boy 10 years ago and tell him that everything was going to be alright. That you’ll meet some amazing people, maybe fall in love and experience things that you never thought you would, whether that be good or bad. I wish I could put my arm around him, tell him to shut up and  stop acting like a little shit and enjoy where life takes you for the next 10 years because they go by so quickly and there worth every moment that we hype them up to. But I cant and thats ok. Because the next 10 will be even better.

So, fuck being sad. Im happy that I got older. Because now I’m 20 bitch.